Smile
by samuraiheart
Summary: Songfic about Tomoyo's true feelings for Sakura. Shoujo-ai.


**_ Disclaimer: These characters do not belong to me. They are the property of their respective owners (CLAMP...etc.). The song is by Lonestar and the lyrics belong to the songwriters. PLEASE do not post my fan fics without my permission!_**

**Songfic: Smile**

_by samuraiheart_

Notes: This is from Tomoyo's point of view. The song lyrics are in italics

_ I still remember the night we met  
You said you loved my smile_

I've known Sakura for so long. I can't imagine what my world would be like without her. Somehow I always imagined we'd be together forever. I love her very much and I hope she understands that. I've told her a thousand times in the way I look at her, the things I say to her, the things I do for her and the way I smile. She's always loved my smile. 

_ But your love for me was like a summer breeze  
Oh it lasted for a while_

We went through so much together as she fought to save the world from disaster. I was always there by her side – cheering her on. I cherish every moment I've spent in her presence. It's a shame that videotape can't always capture it all, but I remember. I could never forget – the thrill of being near Sakura just for a few moments is enough to last a lifetime. It is enough for me just to have those memories. At least I can keep telling myself that. I know a part of her will always love me even if she never says it. We are best friends and we can never lose that special bond. It's hard for me to admit that it will never grow into more than that. 

_ I could hold on a little tighter I know  
But when you love someone  
You gotta let em go _

I know she loves Shaolan and I don't want to stand in her way. I want her to be happy more than anything else and I know they belong together. Sakura promises me that we will never lose touch and I believe her. I would follow her to the ends of the earth to make sure of it. I will always be the one she can come to when she needs a friend. Her friendship means so much to me that I can push aside my broken heart so she won't see the tears. 

_ So I'm gonna smile  
Cause I wanna make you happy  
Laugh so you can't see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile_

I smile when I see them together. I can't help it. Making Sakura happy matters more to me than any ache in my own soul. I can shed my tears alone in the darkness, but I can never let Sakura see. Mine are tears of emptiness and loneliness, but not sadness. I am happy for Sakura and I smile so that she will know this. I want nothing more than to make Sakura happy and I don't think could live with myself if I was ever responsible for a single tear on her beautiful cheek. I know that if I told her how much I loved her she would have to make a horrible choice and I'm not sure I could live with her decision. It's better this way. I can hold it inside and she can go on with her life. 

_Kiss me once for the good times baby  
Kiss me twice for goodbye_

I stand before her now not sure what to do. I must say goodbye and let go of all my hopes and dreams. It's just another day to her. We will see each other tomorrow at school she reminds me as I struggle with the word goodbye. My voice cracks and shakes a little. Yes. I know I say, but my thoughts echo with the words it will never be the same. I blink back tears and hope she doesn't notice. This is the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I know I have to do it for her. Everything I do is for her. As she turns away a sudden impulse hits me and I shout "SAKURA!" She turns around and looks at me puzzled. I run to her and throw my arms around her hugging her tightly. She returns the hug as I whisper in her ear "thanks for everything" Sakura pauses for a moment as our eyes meet. I try to hide my sadness, but I see my reflection in her sparkling eyes. For a moment I wonder if she understands as she kisses me softly on the cheek. "Goodbye Tomoyo… I'll see you in school." Two hands part and mine remains outstretched reaching for something I can never have. 

_You can't help how you don't feel  
And it doesn't matter why  
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully  
Cause that's how I want you to remember me_

I watch her walk away and let out a deep breath I didn't realize I was holding in. This is for the best, I remind myself. We will always be friends and I will always be hers even if she can't be mine. 

_I'm gonna smile  
Cause I wanna make you happy  
Laugh so you can't see me cry  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And Even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile_

At the end of the street she turns around. At first I am embarrassed that I am still standing there, but my patience earns me a precious gift as Sakura smiles brightly and waves at me before turning around and rushing home. I smile and return the wave. The image will stay with me always as an unspoken acceptance of my hidden promise to her. I will always love you, but you must find your own love. Go and be happy Sakura. You deserve it more than anyone else in this world. More than me. 

_I'm gonna smile  
So you can find the courage  
Laugh so you won't see me hurting  
I'm gonna let you go in style  
And even if it kills me  
I'm gonna smile_

Please ignore the tears on my cheeks because I am smiling.

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   [1]: http://www.geocities.com/ccsff
   [2]: http://www.geocities.com/kokoro_no_samurai



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